Healthy vs. Unhealthy Jealousy: Dealing with Insecurity in Relationships
Photo by Courtney Clayton on Unsplash
Jealousy is a complex and natural human emotion that can arise in relationships.
It’s important to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy jealousy and learn how to deal with relationship insecurity. Some people in healthy relationships believe jealousy isn’t necessary to stir a pot between partners. While that is valid, others feel they’re not loved as much because their partners are too carefree and lenient. Thus, they believe that jealous partners are a good sign that they want to keep the relationship.
Fortunately, we can get the best answers through Maureen Hosier, a licensed clinical psychologist providing a new relationship perspective. So, if there’s trouble in paradise, Maureen Hosier is willing to teach couples going through rough patches.
A Breakdown of Healthy and Unhealthy Jealousy
Before we begin, it should be clear that jealousy is a normal and common emotion that can arise in relationships. It’s a natural human response to the perceived threat of losing someone you care about or to feelings of insecurity. However, the key is to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy jealousy. Moreover, emotional vulnerability in an authentic relationshipis crucial. With the willingness to be open to your partner, the relationship will go somewhere.
Healthy Jealousy
Occasional and mild jealousy can be expected and may even indicate that you care deeply about your partner. Healthy jealousy is generally based on real concerns and is manageable within the relationship. It can motivate you to communicate openly with your partner, reinforce boundaries, and strengthen your connection.
Normal Feelings – Feeling a pang of jealousy is normal. It can even be a sign of caring deeply for your partner.
Communication – Open and honest communication with your partner is critical. Express your feelings without accusing or blaming them. Share your concerns and insecurities in a non-confrontational way.
Self-Reflection – Reflect on the source of your jealousy. Is it based on actual behavior or rooted in your insecurities or past experiences?
Trust – Trust your partner until they give you a reason not to. A strong foundation of trust is essential in a healthy relationship.
Self-Improvement – Work on building your self-esteem and self-confidence. Feeling good about yourself can reduce feelings of insecurity.
Unhealthy Jealousy
On the other hand, unhealthy jealousy is characterized by intense and irrational feelings of jealousy that often lead to destructive behaviors. This can include constant suspicion, checking your partner’s phone or social media without consent, isolating them from friends and family, or making baseless accusations. Unhealthy jealousy can erode trust, damage relationships, and harm both partners emotionally.
Obsessive Thoughts – Constantly thinking about your partner’s actions, checking their phone, or invading their privacy are signs of unhealthy jealousy.
Controlling Tendencies – Trying to control your partner’s actions, isolating them from friends or family, or demanding constant attention is unhealthy and can be emotionally abusive.
Blame and Accusations – Accusing your partner of cheating or flirting without evidence can erode trust and damage the relationship.
Isolation – Isolating yourself from friends and family due to jealousy can harm your social support system.
Lack of Self-Control – Reacting impulsively out of jealousy, such as yelling or becoming physically aggressive, is unacceptable and can lead to severe consequences.
Dealing with Insecurity and Unhealthy Jealousy in Relationships
The goal of a healthy relationship is not to eliminate jealousy entirely but to manage it constructively and respectfully. Communicating with your partner about your feelings is essential, addressing any underlying insecurities or trust issues and working together to build a secure and trusting relationship.
Self-Awareness – Understand the root causes of your insecurity, such as past experiences or low self-esteem. This awareness can help you address the underlying issues.
Communication – Talk to your partner about your feelings of insecurity. They can offer support and reassurance.
Therapy – Consider individual therapy to work on your self-esteem and coping mechanisms. Couples therapy can also help if jealousy is causing significant relationship problems.
Boundaries – Establish healthy boundaries in your relationship. These should be mutually agreed upon and respect both partners’ independence and individuality.
Build Trust – Trust is the foundation of a strong relationship. Work on rebuilding trust if it has been damaged by jealousy.
Jealousy Management Techniques – Practice techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, or cognitive-behavioral strategies to manage jealousy when it arises.
Final Thoughts
Managing unhealthy jealousy and insecurity takes time and effort. Both partners should be committed to working together to create a healthy and secure relationship. Suppose unhealthy jealousy persists and leads to abuse or emotional harm. In that case, seeking professional help and considering both individuals’ well-being is crucial.
Mitigating unhealthy jealousy takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. It’s essential to recognize that jealousy may never disappear entirely. Still, it can be managed and reduced to a healthy level where it no longer negatively impacts the relationship. Patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to work together are critical elements in successfully addressing and mitigating unhealthy jealousy.
